put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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