i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
