Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
