please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
