Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
