so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
