You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
