After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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