No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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