My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think my moral compass just broke
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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