I heard we made out
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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