And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Houston, we have a squirter
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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