I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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