i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
