I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
