mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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