i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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