would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
