Rock
Scissors
Fuck
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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