I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i came on her dog
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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