after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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