Do vagina's smell?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
