I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
