I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
