sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
