just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
