I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
