the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
