based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
