If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
