all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
