Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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