I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
