Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
