WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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