I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
