He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
