Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
