Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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