on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
