You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
