I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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