oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
