Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize