it was like his penis was on wheels.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
