I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
