There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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