So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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