I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
