ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
