Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
