I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
