Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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