I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
