i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
