Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
