no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize