what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
