Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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