I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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