On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
