I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
