dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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