so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
