I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
