Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm passing your future prison.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
